William Esper: The Traits of a Good Mentor
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I remember the first time I sat down with William Esper. I was 20, newly digging into my life as a young artist in New York City: Colorful, impressionable—floating in a sea of disorganized passion. He was 78, a world renowned acting teacher, seemingly reserved and modest.
He was deeply rooted in the moment, soft and full— quietly holding creative secrets in his wrinkles and his white hair. His hands moved with a calm, instinctual spontaneity. Everything about him was equally spontaneous and grounded. He was alive in every part of his being and he was so secure in his aliveness that he didn’t need to make noise. He didn’t need to make a sound for me to FEEL him. Effortlessly engaged, naturally steeped in the traits of a good mentor: I was struck still in his presence. In that one meeting and the two lucky years that followed where I studied with him as my acting teacher, he showed me the traits of a good mentor. Those years forever changed me—not only as an actor but as a person.
I knew I wasn’t the only person who felt this way— my classmates and I frequently gushed on our coffee breaks in the midtown cold, “He’s amazing, I love him so much. He smiled at me! Did you see that?” There were others, of course, who spent the same breaks openly criticizing him for various reasons—like all of us, Bill was a flawed human being, but no matter the complaints, I remained mesmerized.
William Esper passed away last week, inspiring this post. I watched in amazement as love and admiration published to social media: “Bill was a mentor, teacher, and father figure to me”: One account after another just like that. Like I said, I knew I wasn’t the ONLY one, but I didn’t know there were that many of us irreversibly impacted by him.
It really got me thinking: What was it that made him a mentor to so many? I’ve had countless teachers and acting teachers that didn’t have the same influence in my life. And, since I’ve wholeheartedly stepped into my role as a mentor and coach, I wondered, what qualities made him not just acting teacher, but “mentor”? What made an experience in an office alone with him, talking, a life-changing experience—for countless people?
I thought of him and all of the other people I consider my greatest teachers and mentors and compiled this list of traits of a good mentor. I hope it serves you in your practice or that it helps you find your own mentor. These attributes have the power to change lives (IMHO):
- Be Present—Presence opens the door to trust and leads to safety if other qualities are in place. Especially today in our highly distracted and overwhelmed society, a person who can put down their phone and land in front of you is something out of the ordinary. We are starved for connection and presence is the touchstone to connection.
- Listen..Actively— This is one of Bill’s biggest teachings as a Meisner technique teacher—in Meisner, your first lesson is to learn to listen. To. Every. Single. Word. Your. Scene. Partner. Is. Saying. And, further, to listen for the subtext. This helped me tremendously as an actor, but if you think this hasn’t helped me be a good coach, you are mistaken. Again, in a world where this is no longer the norm, it goes a long way to respect the energy other humans are putting into the words they speak. Listening is the next step toward trust. It shows that you care. And we all are walking around wanting someone to care.
- Be Compassionate and empathetic— Bill met me with a profound sense of compassion. When I needed him to, he shared personal stories of heartache and triumph from his own life. When I honestly opened up to him about things I was “ashamed” of, he gave me his permission to be a human being, to be imperfect and to get help wherever I needed it. He told me that the acceptance of my flawed humanness would make me a better actor. His compassion filled a room… effortlessly. It gave us the extra experience of safety.. to try and fail. I felt honestly loved. *To be fair, I don’t think he extended the same courtesy to the students that were not holding up their end of the agreements regarding work*.
- Create Safety— This means two things to me: 1.) I won’t be judged, I’m safe to explore imperfectly, and 2.) There would be no gossiping about me. My deep internal experiences were confidential. Without ever saying it, that space was sacred. Confidentiality is key.
- Have Boundaries: The list above is just GREAT, but on their own they do not a mentor make. I never wanted to get one over on Bill, nor did I think I could. If I missed a class or didn’t come prepared, he let me know that I was falling short of my potential AND that I wasn’t honoring my agreement to him. The art is to do this without shaming. If you need to know about the research behind the devastating effects of shame, just read some Brene Brown work. I respected him and I respected his time. Bill was loving as fuck but he wasn’t necessarily sweet. He was busy and on-task. If you needed him, it was up to you to seek him out. He wasn’t interested in pleasing us or us liking him; he was interested in serving us and in order to do that—in my experience— you need boundaries.
- Challenge!: Bill challenged me. This is simple. If I’m not being challenged, I’m not growing. The magic happens outside of the comfort zone.
- Be in Integrity: Bill was good at what he did. He excelled at it because he dedicated his life to learning more and more. He read books, took classes, saw plays and films endlessly. As a coach, I HAVE a coach and I will continue to be coached and learn and grow and never stop learning and growing. He talked about dedication, working hard, always learning and he DID that stuff. If you’re a mentor or a teacher then you’re in integrity when you are practicing what you preach and always staying a step ahead of your students. Forever teachable. He had a thousand stories to tell because he stayed endlessly engaged. Your life is your art, as a mentor, your work is in the mundane and one part of your job is to never stop learning.
Fun+Love,
Jackie
P.S: What do you think? Are these the traits of a good mentor? Is there something I’m missing? I always love to hear from you!