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The Intimidating Combo of Romance and Illness: Ian and I met immediately after my Lyme diagnosis, but it was another six or seven months before I got really sick. Suddenly all of the adventurous stuff we had bonded over was no longer accessible to me. I remember panicking with my rapid decline: How could I […]
Listen NowI saw the Facebook statuses—my newsfeed was full of brave women coming forward, openly talking about personal experiences with sexual harassment… #metoo, and then some. And it made me—me the “healing out loud” girl—uncomfortable. What in the fuck? I couldn’t believe that this patriarchy-conditioned part of me that I thought was dead was suddenly awake […]
Read MoreMucus: I’m home sick—”normal” sick. I have plump yellow and green stuff building up, breaking up, and making its way out. The “normal- sick” sensation remains one to rejoice over. I didn’t experience this for a couple of years—something about Lyme making it impossible for my immune system to work enough to fight common […]
Read MoreThroughout illness, I could not simply or efficiently answer the question I was so often presented with: “how are you?” I’m sure the answer seemed like an obvious, “not good.” To the outside eye— I was undeniably amidst a shipwreck. I was skinny and pale and frail and depressed and being told there was probably […]
Read MoreWhen I was home for the holidays, a basket full of papers and old chachkies was handed to me. I was meant to sort through it and throw stuff out. It was like a grab-bag of old family memories—things that brought a smile to my face, others that made me grimace. I pulled out a […]
Read MoreIn 1998, at ten years old, I discovered that Mama Cass died choking on a ham sandwich. Maybe I heard it on TV. Or maybe I was eavesdropping on some random adult chatter. Or maybe my mother told me during one of my relentless questioning sessions about all of her favorite musicians. It doesn’t really […]
Read MoreI am a woman with a hard-hearted history towards women’s issues—I was quick to unite with sexist men in an effort to gain their attention and approval. I’m ashamed to say that I thought women were being over-dramatic and whiney about what I once also considered “locker room talk.” I didn’t understand why women found […]
Read MoreI sat submerged in the bath water. The bathroom was dark and quiet, lit only by one large, flickering candle. My face dripped with sweat from the steaming hot water infused with epsom salts. I was motionless. Only my eyes shifted, taking note of my surroundings— the blue walls, the dancing light, the sparkly new […]
Read MoreDear Caretakers, I imagine that this will be the first of many letters and many conversations between us. I’m starting here in a seemingly distant and formal way because I’m not strong enough for the more intimate teary-eyed conversations right now. I’m also unsure of who needs to read this letter, and I want to […]
Read MoreStored trauma is Lyme disease’s best friend. They play off of each other like school yard bullies relentlessly tormenting the mind, body, and spirit. Lyme is an opportunistic disease and tends to jump on those whose systems are already compromised. Personally, I had a weakened immune system from years of infections and antibiotics, I had […]
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