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I was observing my surroundings. How did I get here? I was lying on a flat table with one needle in my right arm and one in my left—the one in my right drawing dark, heavy, apathetic blood from my sick body so it could pool in a machine where it got an expensive make-over, the […]
Read MoreStored trauma is Lyme disease’s best friend. They play off of each other like school yard bullies relentlessly tormenting the mind, body, and spirit. Lyme is an opportunistic disease and tends to jump on those whose systems are already compromised. Personally, I had a weakened immune system from years of infections and antibiotics, I had […]
Read More“I’m so horny! It’s killing me,” I whined, steeped in sexual frustration, in the backseat of a Toyota on Sunday afternoon. Three of us were squeezed in the back seat—two of my closest friends and me— and they had been listening to me have random sexual outbursts all day. Ian is on his lengthy- as- […]
Read MoreI was in a yoga class last Tuesday afternoon, August 30th, 2016. I had spent an hour “opening up” (insert: eye roll), breathing, and getting in touch with the silence and stillness of my body, feeling so grateful for how far I’ve come on my way to wellness. After savasana, I felt all calm […]
Read MoreThis was my infusion week. My drip line was removed yesterday, and I am restlessly recovering now. During infusion weeks, I have a hard time deciding what to write/when to write/how to write. It seems like all of my energy— creative and otherwise— is sucked from me and stuffed in a bag for safe-keeping until […]
Read MoreI was anxiously waiting for my name to be called in yet another poorly-lit waiting room. Doctor’s offices were once just an occasional means to an end: I went feeling shitty and I’d leave with a script from the omniscient doc to feel better. Now, they’re as common as my trips to the grocery store, […]
Read MoreTHE PART OF GETTING WELL YOU CAN’T BE PREPARED FOR: I am red and dizzy, hot and overtired sitting at LAX waiting to board a flight to NYC. It’s my first time solo in an airport without wheelchair assistance in almost 2 years. It’s a flight that I’ve diligently avoided for over 2 years- unable […]
Read MoreIt was forty-six years ago that Marvin Gaye was wondering what the fuck was going on. People were coming back (or not coming back) from Vietnam having suffered terribly, drug-use was peaking, and police-brutality was a common response to young activists. But what’s forty-six years? There has been suffering, fighting, hate, and a whole lot […]
Read MoreI said, “I am down, lonely and afraid.” To better help you understand how I’ve felt over the last couple years, I used the analogy of a person laid out on the concrete, getting their face bashed in. I asked all of you to meet me down there, hold me, ask me where it hurts, […]
Read MoreMy body was breaking out in mysterious rashes. I’d discreetly lift a pant leg to reveal the repellant red rash and ask people what they thought. They’d say, “ Huh, that’s weird, but I promise you it’s no big deal.” Or, “Don’t worry so much.” Or, “Be positive. Have positive thoughts.” I was positive when […]
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